Transparency

I'm going to write straight from the heart on this one. Which means, I'll probably stumble. My thoughts will scatter. And you might need one hell of a map -- so, buckle up.

Let's do this.

I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately. And how, a risk I took several years ago... turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.

I feel like people only write stuff like that when they see success. When they're on the "other side", so to speak. Me? I'm not on the other side right now. Which makes saying something like that feel all the more real to me. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I don't know if I'm ever going to be the famous writer I've always believed I could be.

But it's a great fucking feeling to know I'll know I tried. That I didn't give up at trying to break the wall down from all these punches -- my knuckles are bloody, but I'm still going.

Somehow.

I think about the promises I've made along the way. To myself, but mostly? My mom. When I watched her die in front of me, something inside of me snapped. And I just started saying all of these things. All of these words -- almost like I was possessed, in a way. 

I told her I would use all the pain, everything I've been through, and do something good with it. That, "I'm going to be somebody today."

I don't care about money. I don't care about titles. I just want to have my writing make an impact on this world before I'm gone. I wanna leave a crater. This shit is way bigger than me. I know that by now.

I have days where I doubt myself so hard that I contemplate giving up. And then, I have days where I feel like I'm landing a punch so hard that everything is about to come true. I'm a pendulum in constant motion. But I am in motion. And in the end? That's all that really matters.

Lamb versus Lion. Who will survive?

...Hopefully both.