98 days. That's all that's left, huh? 2017 will soon fade away. And then what? Where will I be then?
...who will I be then?
To be honest, I guess I never thought I would get this far - not that I've achieved half a grain of the promise I made (now, nearly ten years later).
Those final words promising to my mom that I would "BE somebody" right before she passed burn inside my head every night before I fall asleep. Try as I might, I just can't seem to pull that dagger out. And yet, I also look at the facts:
I've written two novels now.
...And I can't help but believe 'this' - whatever THIS means - is all going somewhere. I can't help but believe my hopes and dreams are like objects in the rear view mirror - closer than they appear.
I just have to siphon the courage to do what my mom always told me to do with my passion for writing:
Now, I say 'siphon' because despite my author alias name and in-story character Kyle Lionheart... well, underneath my skin - I'm still Kyle Lambky.
I'm still that kid who's afraid. Who doubts himself. Who doesn't think any of 'this' is still possible. The kid who hung his head down to the ground half his life. The kid who could only communicate properly on a piece of paper.
...You get the idea.
For the last several months I've had this inward struggle within myself. A lion against a lamb, so to speak. Two polar opposites staring back at each other. And so, when I finally finished writing my second novel back in June... I did something that went completely against everything my soul knew.
I stopped writing. And up until very recently, I think part of me had given up. Yes, I was staring at the ground. Again.
"Why do we fall, Kyle...?"
I'm on my feet again. And when I was back in California visiting the memories of my home and friends, I made another promise. Except this time; that promise wasn't to my mom.
That promise was to myself.
I promised myself to stop being afraid. To stop letting Doubt win. To write with a purpose and for a purpose. And to give everything I have until there's nothing left.
And that all starts today. That starts with what I'm writing right now. And, perhaps, with what you're reading right now - we can both wake ourselves up a little bit.
I'm not writing Book Three of The Seven series until 2018. The next 98 days are going to all be about that aforementioned 'purpose'. And that purpose is using the element of writing to help people. To find a way each day to make a difference to somebody out there the only way I can: through writing. Through doing what I love.
"...Maybe the lion doesn't have to slaughter the lamb. Maybe we're meant to co-exist together - two voices as one. Maybe it's taken me being afraid to realize the person I'd like to become. Like everyone else; I don't know how I got here. All I know is... I'm not giving up like that ever again. I'm going to keep moving forward in pursuing my hopes and dreams. And I'm not going to let Doubt win ever again."